UNPARENTED
Healing from the Shadows of Narcissistic and Borderline Family Systems
Is a powerful memoir and guide that exposes the emotional wounds of growing up in a toxic family. Through personal experience and research, Dr. Ashley Quiroz reveals how trauma shapes identity—and how understanding, courage, and self-compassion can lead to healing and freedom.
It is strange to realize that after decades of living, you can come to know yourself in a way you never have before. Imagine discovering that much of what you believed about your life was shaped by false narratives, secrecy, and the agendas of others; and that for years, these factors quietly shaped your sense of self. With this awareness, however, comes freedom: the ability to release yourself from those who continue to uphold these distortions, to step into a life rooted in peace and true self-acceptance.
Some forms of abuse and neglect are easy to recognize; a black eye for missing curfew, a child left hungry by their caregivers. These wounds are visible to the naked eye, but it is the invisible trauma I wish to illuminate here; the kind that unfolds in subtle moments over many years, often disguised as "normal" by societal standards. The excitement that’s met with indifference. The feelings that are dismissed or denied. The milestones that pass unnoticed by those we love most.
When we voice our needs, we are called "too sensitive." When we set boundaries, we are labeled "the problem." And because these wounds are so understated, they are often never spoken about, allowing emotional invalidation to continue unchecked across generations. From the outside, our lives may appear perfectly fine, making it even harder for others, and ourselves, to recognize the hurt.
We accept without question that children deserve food, shelter, and clothing. Yet, when it comes to emotional needs; the need to feel seen, heard, and valued, these are often treated as luxuries rather than essentials. But the truth is, our lives are mosaics, shaped by every moment, big and small. These hidden traumas matter. They shape who we become and how we move through the world.
Trauma is not only what happened to us, but also what didn’t.
These writings give voice to those silenced experiences and offer solidarity to those who have lived under the quiet shadow of emotional neglect, specifically at the hands of those with Narcissistic and Borderline personality disorders. Let this be a cleansing. Let this be the beginning of a new story; your story.
About The Book
In this deeply personal and unflinchingly honest work, Unparented: Healing from Narcissistic and Borderline Family Systems, explores the hidden costs of growing up in a family defined by narcissism, dysfunction, and emotional neglect. Ashley Quiroz charts the emotional terrain of a family caught in cycles of obsession, delusion, and denial. What begins as the story of her parents’ unraveling expands into a portrait of inherited trauma and endurance—of a daughter made invisible, yet determined to see clearly, speak truth, and survive. Through piercing reflection and psychological insight, Quiroz reveals how a family’s patterns of dysfunction seep into a child’s developing worldview—distorting love, trust, and identity—and how the long process of unlearning those patterns becomes an act of reclamation. This is a story not only about survival, but about awakening: breaking generational delusion, rewriting inherited narratives, and discovering what it means to finally belong to oneself.
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The book unfolds in three parts
The first is a memoir that illuminates the lived experience of being raised by parents caught in their own unresolved wounds,
where love was conditional, attention fleeting, and silence often more devastating than words.
The second grounds these experiences in research, examining how childhood trauma reshapes the brain,
nervous system, and sense of self, while unpacking concepts like limerence, attachment, estrangement, and trauma aftermath.
The third offers a path forward: meaning-making, coping strategies, and tools for readers who find themselves navigating similar family dynamics,
seeking healing, or wrestling with the decision to let go.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
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UNPARENTED
Healing from the Shadows of Narcissistic and Borderline Family Systems
drashley@missionvalleypsych.com
San Diego, CA